I love Anna Blast:
A long time ago, I found this book in the magazine pocket of an airplane. It wasn’t the kind of book I ever would have chosen for myself, but being quite a captive audience I decided to give it a try. I give a book 50 pages. If I’m not hooked, I’ll likely never open it again. I was halfway through this one when I got off the plane, and I finished it very shortly thereafter.
The point is, I left my job in September after struggling for almost two years to balance work, a toddler, three dogs and an acre of lawn. I’m finally putting irons back in the fire and working on several projects (slowly and organically). Seems like something is slowly taking form sort of subconsciously. Like all good things that are not-quite-conscious, I don’t quite know what it is, but it’s growing!
K’s second birthday is in six days. The house is not clean. Invitations are not sent. I still don’t know what time to have the party. I agonize. I flip flop. I worry no one will come anyway. And they probably won’t, because I haven’t given them enough time to plan for it.
I repeatedly fill the sink with hot soapy water and dirty dishes only to come back later to cold water and no dishes done.
Some days I pick up a schedule and I run with it. I can be productive. Look at this before and after shot:
SEE! I can be productive.
And I can’t act like I wasn’t productive today, either. I got a library card! And I checked out books. And now I have access to all the books. Today was a good day. Tomorrow: 2nd birthday party invites.
I’m sitting at my dining room table, crying for my son and for his friends at daycare. I’m crying for his teachers who won’t see him, and for him, because he won’t see them either. Goodbyes are never easy, and this has been the hardest part of quitting my career.
I thought I would be taking him in for drop-ins here and there, but we’ve already been displaced by 4 new toddlers and it sounds like a drop-in thing isn’t good for them.So, instead of saying “see you later” it’s time to say “goodbye.” I mourn.
If you’re reading this and you know me, you might still be surprised that I quit my job. I didn’t talk a lot about it. Talking about it came to feel like asking permission to do it, and I knew everyone would tell me not to. I just stopped telling people. I stopped believing in it. I stopped believing in living on someone else’s schedule, doing work that bored me to death, mostly to pay for daycare for my son. The Universe was speaking to me in a few different ways and all signs were pointing to radical action. And I took a huge risk, a great leap if faith, for sure.
So, what am I gonna do?
First, I’m gonna clean my house. It’s bad. Being away from the house for 12 hours a day and having a toddler to feed and bathe every day leaves very little time for sweeping the floor. Did I mention the three dogs. Big ones. Hairy ones. I’m sure you can imagine. You might see some before and after pictures here. My confessional of what it gets like when you literally have no time to clean.
So after my house is clean? I’m gonna do whatever I get interested in. And I’m gonna keep doing whatever I get interested in until I figure out what I don’t want to stop doing. Welcome to my new adventure!
Shanstuff turned 2 today!